Reflections on 2014

I know it’s been a long time since I posted anything to my blog. I’ve spent most of 2014 with my head down and regrouping after the demise of the 4-corner relationship Husband Darling and I were in. Becoming a hermit was quite appealing for a time, but I also knew that what I truly needed was to withdraw from my very active social life to work on myself again. I had ignored my spiritual self for far too long. I realized I had taken a wrong turn on my life path and found myself lost. I asked the Universe for help with my spirituality and went back to where I knew I was happy–healing others. So I got my license and resume in order.

I applied at the place where I had been receiving massage for the past few years. The clinic administrator had already put forth a soft offer for me to work for her if other places didn’t work out for me. The day I dropped off my resume, I had an impromptu interview with the CA and the regional manager who happened to be in the clinic that day. I also did my practical (giving massage) to the RM then. I gave them my availability and was told to come back in three days for training. I started the following week and have been at that clinic for nearly a year now. I’ve amassed a loyal following in a very short time. By the time mid-September hit, not only was the rest of the month booked but so was the entire month of October! Most of my clients are regulars. Admittedly I have a few favorites, including a pregnant woman who is having her first child after many years of her and her husband trying to get pregnant. Oh! How I love working with expecting mothers! There is nothing more beautiful in my eyes than a woman pregnant with child.

Healing others has been my calling for well over a decade now. Being able to help others heal their bodies is gratifying and humbling. There are days when I’d rather be home because I am tired or want to spend more time with Husband Darling, but the pull of my clients motivates me to go. I am one of the lucky few who absolutely loves their job. The human body is endlessly fascinating, and I simply don’t get bored (unless someone just wants to be petted for their entire session). The unexpected bonus from working my very physical job is that I’ve lost inches throughout the trunk of my body.

Accepting my body has been a lifetime achievement. Once I had Kidlet my modesty button was pretty much removed. Hard to feel embarrassed when several people are looking and poking at my vagina before, during, and after labor. One of the things I taught my massage students is the sooner and more completely you can feel comfortable in your own skin, the better therapist you will be. Clients will be able to tell if you have body issues. Touch does not lie. If you feel uncomfortable, so will they. Moving regularly for hours at a time sculpted my body. When my bestie got engaged as asked me to be one of her matrons of honor, I set out to find a dress. I found something I liked online and went to the brick and mortar store to try it on. I knew I had lost weight/inches but not how much. I was amazed to discover I had dropped two dress sizes! I still get asked what I did to lose weight. I’ll even give all here my secret to successful weight loss:

  •  Belief that my job was good exercise so I should lose weight/inches.
  • Embracing a positive mental attitude.

That’s it. I really haven’t changed too much else in my life. I’ve been slowly changing over the years eating habits and healthier food choices. Working a physical job has helped me rebuild my strength and endurance. The pain I’ve been living with for years has lessened. More than anything else I’ve done, I fully believe that it’s my change of attitude that’s done the most good. I decide whether or not I’m going to have a good day. More often than not I wake up on the Awesome Side of the bed. When others ask me how I’m doing, my answer is almost always positive in some way. I stopped focusing so much on the bad and started focusing more on the good. I’m amused by the typical response of silence as they take that in or wait for the “bad news” that rarely comes. I’ve noticed that more and more of those who are closer to me have started focusing on what’s positive in their lives as well. Our conversations are usually full of happy news or troubleshooting problems instead of bitching about what’s wrong in our lives. I’m loving this trend! I’ve continued being positive even through social media. When I find myself answering someone’s post with anger or resentment, I scrap the whole thing unless I can find a positive, non-confrontational way to respond.

The nifty thing about social media is I’ve been able to meet and friend many wonderful people over the years. As I’ve told Husband Darling some of my Heart Family are people I simply haven’t met in person yet. In early November I picked up a few new followers on Twitter. One person in particular I was interacting with regularly almost from the start. He and his wife were somewhat new to polyamory and had been coming to meetups here in the Portland area for awhile now. My internet 6th sense kicked in and told me these were Good People. I offered to meet with them on a Friday after work, and we did. I immediately liked both of them and wondered if they’d be open to hugs, because as some of you know I’m a very huggy person. Lucky for me I didn’t even have to ask because Q’ouarin (the husband) asked me first. He hugs the way I love–full body and with enthusiasm.

From there forward things moved fast between us. We had our first date November 28th. Uty (the wife) and Q spent the long weekend over Christmas with us. Yes, Scrooge McKitten got over the bah! humbug! of the holidays and actually got into the Yule spirit. And remember when I stated earlier that I had asked the Universe for spiritual guidance? Yeah, that came in the form of Q’ouarin as well. He is a unicorn otherkin (more on this in a future post) and was looking for someone like me himself. The Universe answered us both, and boy! has it been a wild ride so far!

My life has changed and is changing rapidly for the better in just a few short weeks. I’m back on my chosen path of being Love and Light and expect I likely won’t recognize the person I am now in a year. I’m planning to write more, do more, and be more in the next year. I’m looking forward to all the exciting changes 2015 promises to bring.


My Spicy Enchilada

Have you ever met someone who you just knew without a doubt that this person would be someone Important in your life, quite possibly for the rest of your life?

When I went to school at Southern Oregon (before it became a university), I met my spicy enchilada as we were both moving into our dorm. Long after I had unpacked and parked my car, I watched as she continued passing by my open door loading more and more into her room next door. I thought this woman must have packed up her entire life to go to college. I had no idea just how accurate that thought was until after she knocked on my door and invited me down to the mess hall for dinner. We bonded quickly in that first week and grew closer as the year passed. One day late in spring term we were sitting outside in the courtyard of our hall. She looked at me very seriously and asked me to just listen while she talked. I obliged while she told me how much I had impacted her life over the course of the prior nine months. She told me that my unconditional acceptance and love helped her through a very rough time. She was depressed over the “Freshman 30” she gained, but drew comfort and inspiration from my self-confidence and the fact I always saw her, not her weight. There was much more she confided in me, but through it all I was simply speechless.

Up until she said all this to me, I was very unaware of the impact I made on anyone else’s life. A part of me knew that I made a difference to others, but I had always believed that my influence was small or non-existant. How could I, just by being me, have such a significant effect on another person? I was completely floored by this revelation. What was even more amazing to me, however, was I had finally realized my Purpose in life. She showed me that I was a beacon of Light and Love. I was a lighthouse that shone through the darkness with a promise of safe harbor. To this day I can’t speak or even think about this moment with my spicy enchilada without tears springing to my eyes and a catch in my voice. You see, she’s made just as significant an impact on me as I had on her.

Our friendship would come to be what I have sought to emulate with every relationship I have begun since she and I met. We have unconditional acceptance and love. Never have either of us attempted to change the other. Our only expectation of each other is to be who we are, no matter who or what that is. We have celebrated triumphs together. We have cried and comforted each other through our struggles and low times. She is one of Boo’s first aunties. She was the first of my long-time friends who fully accepted me when I came out as poly. She wasn’t even surprised. She simply said, of course. Of course because I had so much love to give that how could I not love more than one person at any given time?

Over the next two decades we have remained good friends. We have fallen out of communication for months at a time, exchanging cards near birthdays and Yule. Perhaps chat on the phone now and then. We’ve gone years without seeing one another in person. In fact the last time I saw her was at my wedding nearly three years ago. But every time we talk or see one another it’s as if no time as passed, and we pick back up where we left off. In the 19 years we have been friends, not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. Every. Single. Day. And with each thought of her, I wish her love and happiness.

PS–Who has been that one (or few) person who has made a huge difference in your life? Comments welcome.