Phoenix Rising

It all started with the decision to cut off my hair.

To fully comprehend the significance of this epiphany, I must direct you to this story I read shortly after I met Husband Darling. While there hasn’t been evidence to corroborate its veracity, the story resonated with me. I started to grow out my hair with the intention to never cut more than trimming from then on. I let it grow nearly to my waist. I deepened my spiritual connection and learned to listen to my intuition. Then I had this crazy idea to bleach my hair over a year ago near Yule. Crazy idea indeed because the process ended up damaging my scalp as well as my hair. I was having difficulty getting both back to healthy again.

After my relationship with Boyfling fell apart last fall, the urge to whack my hair off rooted in my brain. I wanted something good to come of it, so I looked into donating my hair to Locks of Love only to discover that bleaching renders hair unusable for making wigs. Having that wrench thrown into the cogs made me reconsider the wisdom of cutting my hair. After all I had done a lot of spiritual work in the process of growing my hair, and I did not want to lose everything I had forged over those years. Instead I chose to cut only 10″ off shortly before my 40th birthday hoping that would be enough. A few more months went by with me still having split ends and other issues. I saw it as a sign to literally “cut that Bitch out of my hair”.  I will be performing have performed a banishing ritual on Ostara for new beginnings and balance by burning the Bitch out of my life.

phoenix reborn

I grew out my hair because I wanted to reconnect my spiritual self to Nature and Mother Goddess. I fought cutting off my hair because I didn’t want to lose that link again. What I’d come to realize through this ritual is my connection was not severed, but the only way it would be clear and whole again was to remove, physically and symbolically, what had disrupted the flow. I feel just as strongly bonded to my spiritual self as I had been prior to muddling my path. All the spiritual gains I have made I have kept. To celebrate and complete this cycle in my life, I have scheduled the first sitting of many to start my Phoenix tattoo at the end of this month. I have felt Her trying to burn Her way out of my back for months now. I know when my Phoenix is finished the majority of the physical pain my body has been holding onto these past several years will finally be released.

I also decided I won’t be growing my hair back out again for awhile. Husband Darling says my spunky self has returned. I like feeling full of moxie and confidence again.  Unlike Samson shearing off my hair has made me feel stronger than I had been in far too long.

Life Ain’t Always Beautiful

This week has been one of many breakthroughs and aha! moments for me. I’ve had a sense of relief to finally completely let go of an old skin that never quite fit me and thought I had shed long ago. I’ve also been mourning the loss of something I never had and now fully understand that I never will. Life has been bittersweet of late.

Music has always been an intrinsic part of my life. I’ve always been able to find a song at any given point in my life that fits the situation perfectly. I haven’t been able to listen to anything melancholy while coping with my depression, but I had the urge to pop in an old CD I burned several years ago into my car stereo. When this song came on I knew I needed to hear it again with the new perspective I had gained so recently. The words of the chorus hit home, and that’s when I truly knew that I would be okay. I still have work to do, but I no longer carry the burden that weighed me down for so long. I know that I’ll be fine.

PS–What music has influenced your life? If you could create a soundtrack to your life, what songs would you choose? Please comment below. I’d love to know what music moves you.