Reflections on 2014

I know it’s been a long time since I posted anything to my blog. I’ve spent most of 2014 with my head down and regrouping after the demise of the 4-corner relationship Husband Darling and I were in. Becoming a hermit was quite appealing for a time, but I also knew that what I truly needed was to withdraw from my very active social life to work on myself again. I had ignored my spiritual self for far too long. I realized I had taken a wrong turn on my life path and found myself lost. I asked the Universe for help with my spirituality and went back to where I knew I was happy–healing others. So I got my license and resume in order.

I applied at the place where I had been receiving massage for the past few years. The clinic administrator had already put forth a soft offer for me to work for her if other places didn’t work out for me. The day I dropped off my resume, I had an impromptu interview with the CA and the regional manager who happened to be in the clinic that day. I also did my practical (giving massage) to the RM then. I gave them my availability and was told to come back in three days for training. I started the following week and have been at that clinic for nearly a year now. I’ve amassed a loyal following in a very short time. By the time mid-September hit, not only was the rest of the month booked but so was the entire month of October! Most of my clients are regulars. Admittedly I have a few favorites, including a pregnant woman who is having her first child after many years of her and her husband trying to get pregnant. Oh! How I love working with expecting mothers! There is nothing more beautiful in my eyes than a woman pregnant with child.

Healing others has been my calling for well over a decade now. Being able to help others heal their bodies is gratifying and humbling. There are days when I’d rather be home because I am tired or want to spend more time with Husband Darling, but the pull of my clients motivates me to go. I am one of the lucky few who absolutely loves their job. The human body is endlessly fascinating, and I simply don’t get bored (unless someone just wants to be petted for their entire session). The unexpected bonus from working my very physical job is that I’ve lost inches throughout the trunk of my body.

Accepting my body has been a lifetime achievement. Once I had Kidlet my modesty button was pretty much removed. Hard to feel embarrassed when several people are looking and poking at my vagina before, during, and after labor. One of the things I taught my massage students is the sooner and more completely you can feel comfortable in your own skin, the better therapist you will be. Clients will be able to tell if you have body issues. Touch does not lie. If you feel uncomfortable, so will they. Moving regularly for hours at a time sculpted my body. When my bestie got engaged as asked me to be one of her matrons of honor, I set out to find a dress. I found something I liked online and went to the brick and mortar store to try it on. I knew I had lost weight/inches but not how much. I was amazed to discover I had dropped two dress sizes! I still get asked what I did to lose weight. I’ll even give all here my secret to successful weight loss:

  •  Belief that my job was good exercise so I should lose weight/inches.
  • Embracing a positive mental attitude.

That’s it. I really haven’t changed too much else in my life. I’ve been slowly changing over the years eating habits and healthier food choices. Working a physical job has helped me rebuild my strength and endurance. The pain I’ve been living with for years has lessened. More than anything else I’ve done, I fully believe that it’s my change of attitude that’s done the most good. I decide whether or not I’m going to have a good day. More often than not I wake up on the Awesome Side of the bed. When others ask me how I’m doing, my answer is almost always positive in some way. I stopped focusing so much on the bad and started focusing more on the good. I’m amused by the typical response of silence as they take that in or wait for the “bad news” that rarely comes. I’ve noticed that more and more of those who are closer to me have started focusing on what’s positive in their lives as well. Our conversations are usually full of happy news or troubleshooting problems instead of bitching about what’s wrong in our lives. I’m loving this trend! I’ve continued being positive even through social media. When I find myself answering someone’s post with anger or resentment, I scrap the whole thing unless I can find a positive, non-confrontational way to respond.

The nifty thing about social media is I’ve been able to meet and friend many wonderful people over the years. As I’ve told Husband Darling some of my Heart Family are people I simply haven’t met in person yet. In early November I picked up a few new followers on Twitter. One person in particular I was interacting with regularly almost from the start. He and his wife were somewhat new to polyamory and had been coming to meetups here in the Portland area for awhile now. My internet 6th sense kicked in and told me these were Good People. I offered to meet with them on a Friday after work, and we did. I immediately liked both of them and wondered if they’d be open to hugs, because as some of you know I’m a very huggy person. Lucky for me I didn’t even have to ask because Q’ouarin (the husband) asked me first. He hugs the way I love–full body and with enthusiasm.

From there forward things moved fast between us. We had our first date November 28th. Uty (the wife) and Q spent the long weekend over Christmas with us. Yes, Scrooge McKitten got over the bah! humbug! of the holidays and actually got into the Yule spirit. And remember when I stated earlier that I had asked the Universe for spiritual guidance? Yeah, that came in the form of Q’ouarin as well. He is a unicorn otherkin (more on this in a future post) and was looking for someone like me himself. The Universe answered us both, and boy! has it been a wild ride so far!

My life has changed and is changing rapidly for the better in just a few short weeks. I’m back on my chosen path of being Love and Light and expect I likely won’t recognize the person I am now in a year. I’m planning to write more, do more, and be more in the next year. I’m looking forward to all the exciting changes 2015 promises to bring.

Advertisements

The Freedom of Change

change

Today my country is celebrating its Independence from its mother country. There will be barbecues, picnics, apple pie, and fireworks galore. Family and friends will gather in backyards to grill copious amounts of hot dogs while drinking beer and soda. Women and men from all branches of the military are recognized for continuing to maintain our freedom.

On a personal level I am celebrating my own freedom–freedom from thoughts, things, and people that no longer benefit me or aid in my growth.  I’m celebrating the end of a chapter in my life so I may move forward to the next. I spent far too long re-reading this last chapter. I had felt stuck on an endless loop (hello hamster wheel) and wouldn’t get off. I made it to the peak of mountain I had climbed. I looked back to see the trials and tribulations of my journey and the joy I felt with each one I overcame. But here in front of me is a whole new world waiting. I have reached the precipice, and like the Fool I must decide to stay where I am, where I am safe, or take the risk and a leap of faith to what awaits for me.

Traditionally with tarot drawing the Fool means to face one’s fears and take a risk.

These past few months I have been confronting my fears. What led me to such a dark and depressive place prior had been due to not wanting to move on. I had reached a place of safety, a place of familiarity and comfort. I was weary from all my previous battles and decided to rest a spell, as my great-grandfather would say. Problem is I stayed too long. This was always meant to be a temporary stop, not a place to set up camp permanently. The longer I stayed, the more unhappy and anxious I became. I paced through my camp, rummaging through everything looking for what I knew I was missing. I overturned rocks, searched through every nook and cranny, and yet I still couldn’t find what I was looking for. Until I turned around to see that vast Great Unknown staring back at me. Daring me to take the first step forward on my next adventure, and to move forward I had to reclaim all the lessons I learned on this Life Journey.

Recently I reconnected with my Spiritual self. Part of my spirituality crumbled when the pagan group I was a part of slowly dissolved. Part of it I kept hidden away because it made certain people in my life uncomfortable. My Spiritual self is a very important part of me, and I had chosen to keep it locked away for the sake of others. These are my beliefs. Others can share them or not, but I will no longer keep them hidden. This is my Light to shine into the World, and to shine as brightly as I once did I must reclaim my Spiritual self.

I had put aside my Calling as a bodyworker in order to be a homemaker for my family. Kidlet was at a critical point in her life where she needed me home. Keeping the home fires burning gave my Mom and Husband Darling security as they left our home to keep it financed. Everyone had healthy food to nourish their minds and bodies. This also gave me the opportunity to take a good look into my health issues and start resolving them. I’m well on the Road to Wellville, and I feel better than I have for years. I’m being Called again back to my passion and joy, to what nourishes my soul because I am able to bring health to others who are hurting. So I am answering and getting all my ducks lined up so I can once again be the Vessel of  vitality I was Called to be many years ago.

My life is making a major shift, coincidentally with my 40th birthday impending. Yes, I am scared, but am no longer frozen by it. I am finally breaking camp. I’m packing with me only what I need and leaving the rest behind. I am freeing myself of the burdens that I have allowed to bring me down and keep me from moving forward. I look out again into the Great Unknown with only Hope and an idea of what tomorrow will bring me. I take a deep breath, say a prayer to my Higher Power, and trust that my next step is in the direction I am now heading.

Wish me luck!