I received a phone call today from a very dear friend of mine whom I have not spoken to in some time. Our lives have been busy, but, like with many of my Loved Ones, we’re never far from each others’ thoughts. During our brief conversation I began to have an epiphany. She told me how she admired my strength with everything I’ve had to deal with in recent years and had wondered what kept me strong. My simple reply was “not focusing on myself”. After we hung up I went to send her an email including a link to this blog so she would have a way of keeping tabs on me. While I wrote the epiphany came full force.
I am a survivor of emotional, verbal, physical, and sexual abuse. All of that by the age of 13, and well beyond. I had my fair share of suicidal thoughts in my teens. What kept me from that path was a promise I made to myself and the Universe at that young age that I would NOT take myself away from the people who did and would have need of me. I knew then without a doubt that I had a Purpose and Calling in this lifetime that I had yet to discover. I have no idea why I was and am still so certain of that thought, especially since there have been many times that Purpose hasn’t always been clear.
My Calling I have embraced. Nothing makes me feel more at peace than when I am facilitating another’s healing through massage. I finally figured out my Purpose in the simplest of terms. I am meant to be a Beacon of Love and Light. I believe all the abuses I sustained was so I could have Empathy and Understanding of what others were going through. Our experiences may not be the same, but the end results often are. I could show them there is Hope that things can get better, that things will get better. I could show them that Love and Happiness can be theirs if they so choose. I know beyond question that I have many more lives to touch, more bodies and souls to heal, more minds to reach in mutual understanding. There are those who need me now, and so I must remain vigilant.
My epiphany? What keeps me Strong now is seeing the people I love and care about be Happy. When they include me in that happiness, I am filled with such Joy and my Strength is renewed. With Strength, I have found Wisdom. Everything I have learned in this lifetime has been because I have remained strong against so many odds. With Wisdom, I have found Serenity. There is peace in understanding my Calling and my Purpose.
I have had my doubts many times, including now, that I am loved. When I have felt my Loved Ones pull away from me, my Strength falters and doubt creeps back in. I was reminded that there are many people who love me. The Universe saw fit to put several of those people in my path today, and for that and them I am forever grateful.
PS–What keeps you strong? Please leave a comment below.