My Life, My Choice

I was already going to be writing this post today about choices when That Human Woman linked this article. Go ahead and click the link. I don’t mind if you read it first. I’ll wait.

The weather this past week has been absolutely gorgeous. Sunshine every day. Clear skies. Temperatures reaching mid to upper 70s. I believe we might have even seen over 80 a time or two. This makes me very happy. While I’ve never been diagnosed with SAD (seasonal affected disorder) officially, I have noticed over the past several years especially that lack of sunshine can seriously put a damper on my good mood. I take vitamin D supplements six months out of the year to help mitigate my symptoms. The lovely weather started me thinking about my current circumstances and what led me to get here.

Flashback about 20 years ago when I was a couple years out of high school. I had finished my two year degree at community college, and I had yet to decide if and where I’d go to get my Bachelor’s degree. I was unemployed and felt directionless. My then roommate had started doing this New Age hippie dippy group therapy thing. At first I was pretty skeptical, but I saw the changes in her. Good ones. I decided to check it out and eventually signed up. It was worth every penny and gut-wrenching moment to purge so many of my childhood hangups.

One particular nugget of inspiration stuck with me for years. I found it so profound that when I was teaching at a local massage college, I passed it on to my students.

You cannot always control your circumstances, however you CAN always control how you feel and how you respond.

Translation? You always have a CHOICE, even if what brings you to make that choice is beyond your control. Let me repeat that. You always have a choice.

You choose how you feel about what is happening in your life.

You choose how you will act in response to the situation you are in.

You choose.

Or in this case, I choose. This is my life, and I get to choose how I live it. I get to choose how to feel about what happens in my life. My life, my choice. I made a choice just a short week (!!) ago to change my circumstances. I made a choice to get the help I needed. I made a choice to dig myself out of the depression I am in. I made a choice to let my husband in and be my rock. I made a choice to be Happy.

I’m not saying there won’t be difficult days ahead. Just a few days ago I woke up with fewer spoons than I would’ve liked, but I chose to pull up my bootstraps and get on with my day despite the fatigue and pain. I went outside for some sun therapy, and you know what? It helped. I felt better.

Today I woke up with my body protesting all the increased activity, and my brain was still foggy. The sky was overcast, and there’s evidence of rainfall from last night. I chose to be happy this morning anyway. That Human Woman is coming over later to guide me through sewing new garb for myself and Kidlet. I had a lovely day yesterday with Boyfling and his kids walking the waterfront. We ran into my other boyfriend, Tek, while we were out. He text me later that seeing me made his day. I made Elixir of Life this morning, and my brain fog is clearing. I likely won’t be quite as physically active today, but I’m looking forward to doing projects I have planned.

Today is going to be awesome because I choose it to be.

P.S.–What are you choosing today? Please comment below and share…if you choose. 😉

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2 thoughts on “My Life, My Choice

  1. I’m the oddball you answered over on Jess’s page and wow. I just found another blog I’m going to be sitting and reading through this week! (Slight bout of glutening myself accidentally last night means my main plans for the week are a bit… pushed back. And as my mate has gone through the house and taken all my shoes, AND the only pair of pants and a skirt that fit me that I can wear outside in an effort to keep me from damaging myself, I’m officially ‘sat’ for today and tomorrow) I’m choosing today to… I”m choosing to be dorkily happy I found this site. I’m choosing to feel pretty damn spiffy (granted, between runs to the reading room because of the whole stomach thing) about this lovely spring day. And I’m working really really hard to let go of what can only be a bit of backbrain residual family ghosting nattering about how going on meds to deal with a long LONG term issue I’ve struggled with for most of my life is ‘weak and you should just deal with it alone’ and instead choose to be instead rather overwhelmed at actually feeling good. To not be hurting. To be silly and even enjoy the slightly manic ups while the meds get leveled out. Because it’s been a long long haul and I can breath for the first time in a decade+. I’m choosing to be grateful that, after a long fight and a march through hell, this past week I’m the girl my mate fell for. I’m the me I was before. Or at least she’s coming out, the ice is chipping and dropping and I’m… I’m finding my way home. I’m choosing to push and to be and to just revel in all this might mean. And I’m choosing to muddle up your page with my blithering but also to choose to be thankful I found this site. It’s needed.

    • I’m humbled and glad that my words helped you in any way that you needed. You reminded me why I needed to let my husband be my anchor, especially now as I feel like I’ve gone adrift with everything that has been happening the past few years. You are welcome at any time to “muddle up” my page. 😀

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