Return from the edge of the world

“I have glimpsed into our future, and all I can say is: Go back!” ~Diane Court, Say Anything

Yes, I’m still here. I wish I could say being busy living my life has been what has kept me from posting more regularly, but that’s only partly correct. Truth is I’ve been hit with ADOS (Attention Deficit Oooh Shiny) more lately. I think a good portion of that can be fixed by making a commitment to post at least once a week instead of whenever the muse inspires. She’s taken to eating bon bons and watching too much daytime TV on her chaise lounge over the years I’ve been neglecting her. She grumbles if I get too demanding. Unfortunately, the ADOS is a symptom of another more insidious issue.

I’ve dealt with chronic pain for most of my adult life. Like most adults I just pushed through and continued on with my life, taking over-the-counter pain meds and getting regular massage while I was going to school and later teaching after I graduated. Granted many adults, at least here in America, haven’t ever had a massage (such a tragedy!) in their lives. Working at a massage college significantly increases the amount of bodywork one receives. While I remained active after the mutual parting of ways with my former employer, I realized my chronic pain and fatigue was getting steadily worse. I went on a mission to improve my health.

Having no health insurance I did research on things I could do to manage my pain without seeing my doctor. I started by changing what and how I eat. I’ve eliminated most convenience foods from my diet and started making almost everything from scratch. I increased my activity, though doing that regularly is still hit and miss. Boyfling helped increase my exercise (not just for *that* reason, you pervs!) by going hiking regularly. We’d often pack up the kids while our spouses were working. Being a stay at home mom (SAHM) helps to make this possible, but it just wasn’t enough. Fortunately, Hubby’s new job came with health insurance.

A year ago I went to my primary doctor to start exploring what exactly was going on with me and what we could do about it. By this time I had already come to accept that I may never know why I was experiencing so much pain and fatigue, but at least my doctor would help get me closer to resolving my issues. He sent me to a rheumatologist who put me on new meds and sent me to physical therapy. I slept better and my pain decreased. Then winter set in and my pain came back.

I still have brain fog due to pain and fatigue. Some days feel like it takes everything I have just to make sure my family has dinner. I’m forgetful (thank goddess for calendars and modern technology) and have problems staying focused in the middle of tasks. Honestly, if I wasn’t such a Polly-frakking-anna eternal optimist, I would have spiraled into the depths of depression long ago. Each morning I count my spoons and plan my day accordingly. I pull up my bootstraps, put on my Big Girl panties (or just go Commando if the situation calls), and get on with my day.

I’m ever so grateful for my family for their love, patience, and understanding. I’m blessed to have my co-anchors, Hubby and Boyfling, who keep me grounded when the pain and fog threaten to take me over the edge. Today I will again count my spoons, put on my BGP, and pull up the bootstraps. I’m ready to face my day.

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One thought on “Return from the edge of the world

  1. Hugs, darling. We are lucky to have you around… and you keep me moving and motivated, too. Without you and your family, I don’t know what I’d do! I’m glad you are finding some solutions for your pain, and I hope things keep looking up for you. ❤

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